Post by Drunkosh on Jan 15, 2009 22:21:49 GMT -5
> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
>> channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>>
>> I said, 'Dust.'
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- --------- -----
>>
>> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
>> anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
>> from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
>>
>> I bought her a scale.
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> -------- --------- --------- -----
>>
>> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
>> her someplace expensive...
>> so, I took her to a gas station.
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- --------- -----
>>
>> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
>> apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter
>> asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
>> looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
>> home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
>> have to go home and come back later.
>>
>> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
>> my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
>> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
>> enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
>> application.
>>
>> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
>> experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You
>> should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
>> disability, too.'
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- --------- -----
>>
>> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
>> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
>> drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
>>
>> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>>
>> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
>> I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
>> those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
>> since.'
>>
>> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
>> person could go on celebrating that long?'
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
>> reason, took my order first.
>>
>> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
>> please."
>>
>> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
>> cow?""
>>
>> Nah, she can order for herself."
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>>
>> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
>> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
>> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
>> need you to pay me a compliment.'
>>
>> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
>> perfect.'
>>
>> And then the fight started.....
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- ------ --------- ---------
>> --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>>
>> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light
>> for $14.95.
>>
>> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
>>
>> I told her the beer would make her look better at night
>> than the cold cream.
>>
>> And then the fight started....
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>>
>> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
>> I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
>>
>> and then the fight started.....
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
>> anniversary? " It warmed my heart to see her face melt
>> in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in
>> a long time!" she said.
>> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
>>
>> And that's when the fight started....
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>>
>> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
>> while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you
>> want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then
>> said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't
>> even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So
>> I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>>
>> And that's when the fight started....
I lold at the last one.
>> channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>>
>> I said, 'Dust.'
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- --------- -----
>>
>> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
>> anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
>> from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
>>
>> I bought her a scale.
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> -------- --------- --------- -----
>>
>> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
>> her someplace expensive...
>> so, I took her to a gas station.
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- --------- -----
>>
>> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
>> apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter
>> asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
>> looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
>> home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
>> have to go home and come back later.
>>
>> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
>> my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
>> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
>> enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
>> application.
>>
>> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
>> experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You
>> should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
>> disability, too.'
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- --------- -----
>>
>> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
>> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
>> drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
>>
>> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>>
>> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
>> I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
>> those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
>> since.'
>>
>> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
>> person could go on celebrating that long?'
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
>> reason, took my order first.
>>
>> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
>> please."
>>
>> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
>> cow?""
>>
>> Nah, she can order for herself."
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>>
>> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
>> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
>> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
>> need you to pay me a compliment.'
>>
>> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
>> perfect.'
>>
>> And then the fight started.....
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- ------ --------- ---------
>> --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>>
>> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light
>> for $14.95.
>>
>> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
>>
>> I told her the beer would make her look better at night
>> than the cold cream.
>>
>> And then the fight started....
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>>
>> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
>> I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
>>
>> and then the fight started.....
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
>> anniversary? " It warmed my heart to see her face melt
>> in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in
>> a long time!" she said.
>> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
>>
>> And that's when the fight started....
>>
>> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>> --------- --------- ------ --------- --------- -----
>>
>> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
>> while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you
>> want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then
>> said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't
>> even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So
>> I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>>
>> And that's when the fight started....
I lold at the last one.
